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The problem wasn’t that you couldn’t see those red flags-you’re not blind-but that you looked away and/or attempted to explain them away.
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If you keep picking the same basic kind of shitty person and/or making the same basic kinds of shitty mistakes-such as ignoring red flags, committing too soon, or “working on it” too long-then you need to make changes.Īnd the single most important change you can make-the thing you can do differently as you head back into the dating world-seems obvious to me, my readers, your friends, and your therapist: listen to your friends and your therapist! They saw the red flags, UNSURE, and pointed them out. Still, there’s shitty, and then there’s spectacularly shitty. Very few of us can say we haven’t had two shitty relationships in a row, if not more.Ī shitty person is often the common denominator in a string of shitty relationships, but sometimes shitty relationships happen to good people-and sometimes they happen with good people, i.e., a shitty relationship can happen without a shitty person being involved. While that was no doubt unpleasant, UNSURE, and while it’s understandable you might hesitate to put yourself back out there, two shitties in row isn’t evidence your judgment is flawed. Understandably Nervous Since Upsetting Relationships Expiredįirst, let’s put things in perspective: you had two shitty relationships in a row. What should I be asking myself as I begin to form new attachments, especially after showing such bad judgment in the recent past? What things should I be mindful of as I venture back into that world? What’s a good way to be deliberate without moving at a glacial pace? But I love being in a relationship and I want to be in one again. As things stand now, I’ve never felt so mistrustful of people, and I’ve never doubted by own choices so strongly.īasically, my walls have gone up. 83s, and that we have to “round someone up to The One”.īut it seems like I’ve been “rounding up” some numbers that were too low. I love what you’ve said about how there is no “The One” out there for us, only. My friends and therapist all pointed out the red flags, but I was apparently blind to them. Experiences that have made me question my own judgment and ability to set good boundaries. I’m trying to date again after back-to-back negative relationship experiences.